


two slow dancers

by swampyspace



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Boys In Love, Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt Karl Jacobs, M/M, Sad Ending, War, i just really love mitski, i wrote this in my english class lmaoo, no beta we die like sapnap, sapnap goes to war, they're soft for eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:00:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29674575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampyspace/pseuds/swampyspace
Summary: “Remember me, okay?” Sapnap’s voice was hushed, and just loud enough to make out. If Karl listened hard enough, he would have heard the quiver in the taller boy’s voice.But he was trying desperately to focus on nothing else than his dark brown eyes, deeper than the well they threw stones down as children. He was trying to take in every last piece of him, from the cuffs on his dark uniform, to the coffee-coloured curls crowding his forehead.[war AU where sapnap has to leave karl, and they could never have enough time to say goodbye.]
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	two slow dancers

_Does it smell like a school gymnasium in here?_

_It's funny how they're all the same._

_It's funny how you always remember,_

_And we've both done it all a hundred times before._

Karl’s knees falter beneath him, and he’s met with cold grass, laced with gentle ice from the previous night’s storm. This hill used to be so warm. Hot summer afternoons filled with joy and humidity, taking shelter in the cool shade, hands woven together and far away from prying eyes. Curled up under the willow tree, hands brushing, turning pages of a worn and frayed book, dog eared pages tracking their quiet progress. Whispered words, and soft giggles. It was a safe haven for them, a place to escape from the conflict that left scars and broken buildings in their home. But the once magical willow tree is a stump in the ground now, and there’s an empty space when Karl leans against it. Every blissful memory is vulnerable, threatening to be erased by the harsh snow falling around him like a blanket.

But he couldn’t forget. That was his one promise.

\--

“Remember me, okay?” Sapnap’s voice was hushed, and just loud enough to make out. If Karl listened hard enough, he would have heard the quiver in the taller boy’s voice. But he was trying desperately to focus on nothing else than his dark brown eyes, deeper than the well they threw stones down as children. He was trying to take in every last piece of him, from the cuffs on his dark uniform, to the coffee-coloured curls crowding his forehead. He was so real and rich, sweeter than the over-steeped tea they sipped together after long days of work. Karl ignored the wind biting at his bare ankles, and tried to pour all his attention into the light freckles clinging to Sapnap’s jaw and cheekbones, scattered by the now absent summer sun. They lay still and pale like the sparse dandelions that sprouted outside Karl’s house during spring.

He was brought back to cold reality by Sapnap’s calloused hand holding tightly onto his own. As if Karl were something precious, something worthy of protection of the utmost kind. And of course that’s what Sapnap loved. Protecting. He had been ever since they were kids- as Karl recently realised. The way Nick always stood up for him in front of the town’s bullies, the way if Karl was ever in any kind of danger, Sapnap was somehow always the first to know. Karl guessed that’s why he chose to fight in the war at all; choosing to risk his life to stand for the city he grew up in, his friends, family and lovers, rather than sitting idly, watching as everything fell to pieces. He was brave and noble, belonging to heights greater than Karl could ever fathom reaching.

_It would be a hundred times easier,_

_If we were young again._

Maybe if they went back to the way things were as children- way back before the conflict had even been spoken into existence, before they had even understood the severity of separation, the way it tears you apart from the inside out, turning your brain to nothing but thoughts of a life long lost. If only they could live in this fairytale world of sunshine and innocence, and pure white so blinding it hurt to look at. A world of sweltering hot days, and small smiles and card games.

But now that the warmth of childhood had dissipated, all Karl had left was Sapnap. But even that heat was slipping through his fingers.

It was too real, everything right in front of them, staring them down. The ending battle just visible over the peak, and not enough time for goodbyes- although Karl supposed there never would be.

In one swift motion Karl closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Sapnap and burying his head in the other’s chest.

From afar, all you would have seen two boys, swaying together in the decaying sunlight. But you would have missed their holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it, and the drooping leaves of the willow tree gently falling around them, painting the scene as something beautiful when the irony was all the two felt was a silent aching. Karl wished this moment could last forever- maybe if he tried hard enough it would. Just the two of them- in their rightful places, each other’s arms. It must be some kind of sick crime to let this kind of security and love be swept away from them by axes and blood and fighting. To let this kind of warmth be taken away as easily as summer deteriorates into autumn, and autumn into the cold flurries of winter. But as all moments do, this one came to a close, and Karl was left staring at the other’s tightly tied boots, only obscured by a few grass stains. They’d had their whole lives together, but it would never be enough- not when they still had so much more to do. So many sunsets to watch fade to stars, so many full moons to count, so many moments like these, but to feel the gentle warmth of the other’s skin, finding comfort in that warmth, rather than a bitter goodbye neither of them wanted to make.

_To think that we could stay the same..._

_To think that we could stay the same._

_But we're two slow dancers, last ones out._

“Be safe.” The words felt naive and pointless coming from Karl’s mouth. He knew what happened during these kinds of wars. Hope is a flimsy thing, but he was clutching onto it with all his might, as if it would somehow save Sapnap. Like if maybe he wished hard enough, everything would be over, and they could go back to finding quiet solace in everyday moments, just that on it's own being enough to keep them going. Hot tears streamed down his face, a shameful waterfall he couldn’t help.

This was really it.

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

They both knew this was an unnecessary statement. Sapnap’s fate was decided.

Karl nodded frantically, wiping his tear stained face. He knew confronting the truth would be more helpful, but he was never one for practicality anyway. Karl fumbled with his hands for a moment, before pulling something out of his pocket. A small pink carnation, slightly creased from the folds of his sweater sat daintily in the fading sun. He silently pressed it into the palm of Sapnap’s hand, feeling it’s warmth for the last time as he let his own damp hand fall to his side. Sapnap lightly clenched his fist, and being careful not to break it, held the delicate flower to his chest, as he kissed the top of Karl’s forehead.

They were run out of words, left with only soft affections to fill the silence between them.

Karl watched through his blur of tears as the tall boy climbed down the grassy terrain, staring as he glanced back to gaze quietly at his lover for the last time. Glassy tears matching Karl adorned his eyes now too.

Karl watched until Sapnap was out of sight. In fact, he watched until long after the sun had set, long after Sapnap had dissolved into the horizon with the others who had long since made their decision to fight. He watched until the only light source was the stars weakly lighting the spot where he sat. A part of him hoped he would see Sapnap, running back to him with a smile on his face, saying how he changed his mind, and they let him leave. But he didn’t. Karl still had so many more words to say, so many more ways to love. But the opportunity was gone now, trampled like the abandoned wheat fields behind his house.

\--

So Karl wouldn’t forget.

Even years after he had bid Sapnap his final, and pathetic, goodbye. Even now as all he has left is swirling memories of him, a boy that would laugh at all of his bad jokes, run around town at midnight singing their favourite songs, and lying under the night sky, let Karl move his hand to trace the constellations for him.

Sapnap claimed the whole night sky was theirs. That someday he would take Karl to space, and show him the planets up close. This always made Karl laugh, because the concept of owning something so unfathomably large, and touching it seemed almost comical to him. But laying under the endless stretch of stars, it had all seemed so easy, so close. To pretend like the universe was theirs to hold in their cupped hands, like their only purpose was to be together, hand in hand, lying under the beautiful expanse. As if all they could ever need was right there in front of them.

It hurts Karl to this day. To see the stars, especially the bright ones Sapnap named. It’s strange really- how something so simple and common such as stars can instill that painful of an ache in his chest. But such are the consequences of losing your love to war.

Oh the things he would give to hear Sapnap’s voice one last, final time.

For his concluding words to be true.

\--

_We're two slow dancers, last ones out._

_Two slow dancers, last ones out._

\--

The moist grass clung to the back of Karl’s simple cotton shirt. Gazing up at the sky, he muttered his final goodbye, a message to the stars, ultimately lost- embedded in the hushed whispers of the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> im not gonna lie i cried a bit writing this uh oh. my first fic, and im kinda proud :D also for extra pain, apparently pink carnations mean "i'll never forget you."
> 
> idek if anyone will see this but oh well. go stream two slow dancers by mitski.
> 
> feel free to comment and leave kudos :]


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